You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You've changed since you got that strap on
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
