Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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