I murdered the dance floor call the cops
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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