Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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