So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
