you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
