My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
