i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
