the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Couch. On fire.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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