At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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