Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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