Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
