That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
