And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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