so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
