Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
