Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
