just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
