Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Jerry, you need to find god
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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