you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
