If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
