my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
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Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
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REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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