Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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