I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
