I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
