i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
