bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
