she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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