When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
