he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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