i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
