Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
