I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
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I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
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THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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