How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Randomize
