It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
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Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
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These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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