Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
