considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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