Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I have fence marks all over my body
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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