as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
