My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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