Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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