She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
