you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
