It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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