I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
