Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
