Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
