Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
