I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
