He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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