I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
