what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
