I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
