Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
