I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
soo... how was my night?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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