The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
