that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
