ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
