how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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