apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
