Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
