so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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