trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
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Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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