got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
