Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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