Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
