This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
