hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
