id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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