kristin has been a bad kristin
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
